What’s in a Name...

Bestowing a name upon a child is one of the first acts of parenting, and it is also one of the most far-reaching. Most parents struggle with this obligation and take it quite seriously. Naming a baby who has died is a deeply personal choice and can be an agonizing decision for the parent/s.  Some families might feel uncomfortable naming a child whom they have never met, whose presence on this earth was so short.  Other parent/s name the deceased child, but keep that private because they see this loss as intensely personal. For some families, it can take months, even years, before the parent(s) are prepared to do so. It may take time for parent/s to realize they are the parent of a child who has passed away … and then realize they want the perfect name for their child.

Photo by Kelly Hurley.

When children are given their names, they imprint much about themselves upon those names. This name takes on the child’s essence and is rooted in legacy and lineage. This is why names are so important and are given so much thought. Acknowledging the importance of a child's name can be part of the grieving process for bereaved parents.  Being able to speak a baby's name is life affirming. If the sex of the child is not known, then gender neutral names can be used. A nickname such as Peanut or Bub is also appropriate. Parent(s) might also choose a name that is meaningful and give it to their child regardless of gender.

Depending on the gestational age of the deceased child, there are also legal considerations. The birthing hospital and/or funeral home will have the most up-to-date provincial or territorial vital statistics details on the name registration process and the types of certificates available in their jurisdiction. As an Infant and Pregnancy Loss Doula (IPLD), I have in my resources a list of gender-neutral names, certificates of remembrance where a baby can be named “in honour” regardless of the gestational age. I also provide naming ceremonies, which can be shared with the family at the birthing site or at a later time. Considering the devastation of this loss, a naming ceremony should be just a few minutes, unless otherwise requested by the family.

I’d like to share some of the composition components of my ceremony, and you could add specific wording that speaks to your heart. There are lots of examples of naming ceremonies on the internet, and an IPLD could change the ceremony to fit the circumstances of baby loss.

The mention of your child's name may bring tears to your eyes,

But it will never fail to bring music to your ears.

May you hear the beautiful music of your baby’s name

It soothes the broken heart and sings to your soul.

Naming a child is a powerful act that parents are proud to bestow upon their baby because it speaks to the unbreakable connection of family. By carrying with him/her this name, ____________ will always know that she/he is surrounded by the love of her/his family: 

Here in my heart, Your name is Love. 

Here in my voice, Your name is Joy. 

Here in my hands, Your name is Hope. 

Here in my mind, Your name is Faith. 

Here in my soul, Your name is Life. 

Here in this world and the next,

Beloved child,

Your name is _______________ .   

Precious child, your last name is ________.  May this name honour you as it has honored your family before you. May the mention of this name bring joy to your parents, your grandparents, to each member of your family. 

Never lost to our memories, never lost to our hearts.  _________________, may you be like the sun and illuminate the world around you - warming the hearts of those touched by your life.

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Kelly Hurley is a HHA graduate and has an Infant and Pregnancy Loss Doula practice in British Columbia. You can learn more about her at bio.site/withgracekellyhurley or https://www.withgracecranbrookfunerals.com/