CHECK OUT: Companioning the Dying

Dear Friends,

I am deeply passionate about my personal journey to becoming a death doula. Before I began the Home Hospice Association death doula certificate program, I was confident this was something I not only wanted to do with my life, but something I needed to do to facilitate a complete purposeful life - nothing was going to change my mind or stand in my way. Not only am I doing it, but my want and need has grown into a huge passion!

I strongly encourage you to read the book by Greg Yoder. I feel it is something everyone could stand to benefit from reading, not just those aspiring to be great death doulas. When I started reading this book, I could not put it down. Yodder not only conveys why I want to continue to do what I am doing but has also left me pondering what my own “Good Death” looks like for me. This is something I normally would never have put any time or thought into before.

Everyone has experienced the death of a loved one, or at the very minimum knows someone who has. It is undoubtedly the biggest transition anyone will ever experience. Companioning the Dying proves invaluable for anyone who is supporting a loved one who is dying, supporting someone who is grieving, or anyone who is actively grieving.

My biggest take away was the principle that you do not need to control the situation, and you do not need to have or know the answers to life's most important or difficult questions. You do not even need to be fluent in medical jargon. The most important thing any supporting person can do is simply be there. It is okay to just be there with them (the dying) in their silence. Not everything needs an answer. Not everything needs to be expressed in words or conversations.

“Companioning means discovering the gifts of sacred silence; it is not about filling every moment with talk.”

The most powerful support is given when someone is able to create space to walk into the unknown with the dying, understanding that they will not make it back out.

“Companioning is about going into the wilderness of the soul of another human being; it is not about thinking you are responsible for finding the way out.”

It can be difficult when we see our loved ones struggling, or that they are simply just not okay, but this book teaches us that there are times when it is okay, to not be okay. Naturally, human beings want to fix things and make things better. Truth is, though, that just being present and actively listening is helpful. Not everything needs to be fixed.

“Companioning is about being present to another person's emotional and spiritual pain; it is not about taking away or fixing the pain.”

The best thing that I did for myself, from the advice of this book, was to write my own "Mindful Mantra." I plan on taking a few moments to read this at the start of every journey, and throughout the journey I am honoured to create space in myself for others' vulnerabilities.

Juli-Anne’s Mindful Mantra

Remind me how blessed I am for my own family and friends currently holding a place in my life.

Help me stay true to the tenets of death care, as I walk beside the dying.

Remind me to care for my own gratitude, inner peace and personal solace through moments that challenge my compassion both for myself, and that for others.

At times I feel inadequate as a guide, so remind me of all the gratitude given to me by clients, families, and loved ones.

Give me the strength to see past the sharp tongue of others as they struggle with their own changes and to adopt an understanding for an inevitable mortality in their own unique ways. Help me to speak to their hurt and mentor their healing along the way,

Remind me I am not responsible for providing any solutions, as I bring empathy to the most vulnerable.

Light up sight to my own heart. Help me practice mercy to all people.

We are in each other’s life not at random, but for a reason.

Remind me that I am just walking others home.

Read the book!!!

Sincerely,

Jules

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Juli-Anne Mundle is a spirited death doula candidate with HHA working to establish her own death doula practice "Solace In Departure." While her journey in this sacred realm is just beginning, much like HHA, her heart brims with a passion for crafting good death experiences.