Embracing the Journey: My Path to Becoming a Death Doula

The loss and grief of a loved one drew me to research the valuable role that a death doula provides. Marg, my beloved sister-in-law who was like the sister I never had, was diagnosed with late-stage lung cancer in July 2023. She lost her battle two months later. I realized afterward how valuable a death doula would have been for Marg as well as my nieces and nephews during her transition to the end of life. In the spring of 2024, I felt compelled to research the work of death doulas and enrolled in the Home Hospice Association's death doula course. Reactions were mixed; some found it morbid, while others were encouraging. However, the role of a death doula isn't about being morbid; it's about offering support at the end of life.

Breaking Taboos Around Death

As I strive towards completing the death doula certificate program, I've realized that death has become a taboo topic. Historically, children were present during a loved one's death, but now they are shielded from it. Some cultures view death as a rite of passage and involve loved ones in the process.

Role of a Death Doula

Death doulas are non-medical professionals who support the terminally ill and their families. They focus on four domains:

1. Planning: Helping individuals decide how they want to spend their final days, including location, the presence of loved ones, and setting.

2. Legacy Work: Assisting with creating lasting memories, such as recipe books, video messages, or letters.

3. Vigil: Creating a plan for the dying process, such as playing favorite music or sharing memories.

4. Grief Support: Providing grief coaching to the dying and their families before, during, and after death.

   
   

As a pet owner, I always worry about what will happen to my pets when I pass, so I want to bring to light the Bello Project. The Bello Project brings care and compassion for the pets of owners with a life-limiting illness. The volunteers can help with exercise and play activities, feeding, cleaning, grooming trips to the groomers, or temporary veterinary overnight care if needed. When it is time in your illness journey to consider your pet’s next home, the Bello Project can help with the application and interview process and support as you make your decision. They would help you get to know your pet’s next family. This helps ease their transition to their new home and family. We understand the special bond shared between a pet and its owner. You will be together, sharing love throughout your illness, and have comfort knowing that your beloved pet will be cared for after your death.

Reflections on The Journey

As I reflect on my journey into the realm of a death doula, I realize the profound impact this role can have. It's about more than confronting mortality; it's about celebrating life, creating meaningful connections, and providing comfort when it is most needed.

A Call to Embrace the Conversation

Did you know that 69% of people living in Canada want to die where they call home? Yet, 84% of us have no access to quality end-of-life care. A hospice worker is only in the home for approximately 30 minutes a day for a patient at the end of life. Often, 98% of the care falls into the hands of an untrained family. A death doula’s mission is to support the dying and their loved ones. A death doula helps fill in the gaps for support.

It's time to break the silence around death. By embracing end-of-life discussions, we can offer compassionate support, ensure dignified final days, and foster a community that values the continuity of care. Whether through the comforting presence of a death doula or the compassionate efforts of initiatives like the Bello Project, we can make a difference.

Let's start the conversation today, so no one has to face the end of life feeling alone or unsupported.

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Jennifer Lisewski is an HHA death doula candidate.