Is My Death Doula Work A Soul’s Calling?

Raise your hand if you have ever thought or uttered the words, “Death/IPLD Doula work is my soul’s calling or soul’s purpose”. If you haven’t, no doubt that you have at least heard someone else make this statement. Certainly, in the last ten years, the popular and sometimes stereotypical phrase “soul’s purpose or soul’s calling” is used for a multitude of active intentions. Many people who are called to work in the death and bereavement field, state that they “had a soul calling or soul’s purpose” that brought them to serve others. A common definition of a soul’s calling/purpose is an invitation to personal inner transformation; which brings this calling/purpose back into the world to serve others. 

For some, the soul’s calling may feel like something they must do, even though they may not know why.  This was in fact my experience many years ago. One day I was bored, and decided to read a newspaper sitting on the table. I happened on an article about deathbed vigilling through a Hospice organization and became extremely emotional after the first paragraph. I had never heard of this service to others.  This article became a doorway to perusing my “soul’s calling”. I started volunteering, taking a plethora of courses, reading voraciously, listening to podcasts; and felt as if something larger was taking over and using me to fulfill a mission. A problem arose though. I became ungrounded because this “calling” started to be based on what I was doing for others (ego based). I realized, that in some way I became to believe that my soul’s calling was some kind of catalyst to the stability, healing, movement, transition, etc. of those I served. I was neither truly working my soul’s calling; nor was I serving with the intention of companioning. 

When people think about the concept of a soul’s calling or soul’s purpose, most of the emphasis is on the external; “I was called to work with others” ... “heal people” ... “lead others” ... “I was called to fix what is broken” ... “make a difference”. There are a lot of ‘doing’ words based on outward energy attached to the concept of “soul calling or soul’s purpose”. But you must come to understand that you are the answer; it is never found outside. How many of you, who have used the phrase “soul’s calling or soul’s purpose” in terms of your Death Doula/IPLD work, take time to ask the hard questions that reveal your inner truth? Because when you really explore a “calling or a purpose” that is so profound; the heart of this call is ‘FROM your soul; FOR your soul’. We can separate ourselves from the real essence of the calling.  It is as equally about the work we need to do for and on ourselves; and our soul’s healing. 

Actively exploring inner truths through questioning and reflection related to our “calling or purpose” is a catalyst for self-discovery and self-healing. As poet Anne Sexton said, “Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard.” Can you explore the dark shadows of your motivations for perusing your soul’s calling as a Death Doula? What is the guiding providence for your service to others, your journey, or growth? How does this soul’s calling find a place in the world? What are you searching for as you do this work?  Have you lost yourself in this soul’s calling?  Can you isolate yourself from all the surface level ‘whys’, so that you start to understand what is motivating you at a deeper level?  Are you reflecting your desire to understand yourself & your soul’s purpose/calling, onto the dying & bereaved people you are serving? What is the “something” beneath the validation, altruism, and being a good person that calls you to carry on in this line of service to others?

“The power is in you. The answer is in you. And you are the answer to all your searches: you are the goal. You are the answer. It's never outside.” Eckhart Tolle

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Kelly Hurley is a HHA graduate and has an Infant and Pregnancy Loss Doula practice in British Columbia.  You can learn more about her at bio.site/withgracekellyhurley or https://www.withgracecranbrookfunerals.com/