CHECK OUT: Grief is Love

Dear Friends,

The book Grief is Love by Marisa Renee Lee is one that I have bought and started reading two times, before having someone in my life experience a loss and wanting to gift it to them.I don’t think there is really a right time to be reading it, but I do think that whatever part of a grief journey someone is on, they can take comfort in being seen by Marisa and her intimate and descriptively detailed experiences of and with grief, as well take something from all of the coping strategies and rituals she has outlined in the book.

When I was around your age, getting into care work and realizing I was interested in doing death work, although I didn’t have a name or the language for it yet. I feel like one of the first quotes I found, most likely on Tumblr, that helped me resonate with grief being an acceptable emotion or experience to have was, “grief is love that has nowhere to go.” Grief is Love, is a book that expands on just that, using Marisa’s life experience of losing her mother (hugs) as well as dealing with pregnancy loss. Within the chapters, she offers advice from her own experience, while making sure to mention that the offerings in her book are a compass and not a roadmap.

Something that I really appreciated about Marisa’s approach to such a universal and common experience, was her intention to write about the ways she as a Black woman, along with other marginalized people who do not get the same space to grieve, and often have to experience grief under the duress of losing a loved one, or being systematically injured– physically, morally, emotionally, mentally. etc. She also talked about the disproportionate impact grief can have on marginalized folks, speaking specifically to the ways Black women are often disproportionately afflicted with autoimmune disorders, which in and of themselves disproportionately impact women, particularly racialized and Black women. It was also just really nice to read, however briefly, about the ways in which COVID disproportionately impacted people and have connections made with how grieving has been forever changed by it.

Each chapter has its own important theme and lessons. One of the chapters I was drawn to most was Chapter 9, about creating legacy. Marisa helped me differentiate between creating legacy and honouring a loved one and keeping their memory alive. Creating legacy is an individual, internal pursuit. It’s about how you choose to live after loss. It is about your lost loved ones' love living through you. It means that we will forever be reflecting on how their life and love changed us, and how we can have their love live through us and others. This is something I take great comfort in, despite the pursuit being so fraught at times and I think it is something that you know and understand deeply, too.

Thanks for letting me share this with you sweet pal.

With care and love,

Jo

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Jo Price is an HHA death doula candidate. You can learn more about Jo at instagram.com/jomo.902 and https://makers4mutualaid.substack.com