CHECK OUT: Bearing the Unbearable

Dear Friends,

I read the book Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss and The Heartbreaking Path of Grief by Dr. Joanne Cacciatoreafter experiencing multiple losses in a relatively short period of time. Months later, I listened to the audiobook.

Dr. Joanne Cacciatore is a professor, author, bereaved mother and the founder of MISS Foundation, an NGO who helps families of children who have died.

This book shares intimate stories of people who have lost loved ones, from children to seniors and from tragic events to expected demise.

It becomes clear that grief is extremely personal in its own unique way and no two people will grieve the same. Not only did I find this book overwhelmingly relatable in more ways than one, but it taught me different ways to view grief and to understand it depending on the scenario, both from a personal standpoint and in doula shoes. There is absolutely no right or wrong way to grieve. Ever, under any circumstances. Let us remember that. It is unique to YOU!

“Losing our beloved brings a pain unlike any other and this pain is legitimately ours.”

It talks about sitting with one’s grief and really allowing yourself to experience it; to pause with it and understand that grief may (and most likely will) shift. Dr. Cacciatore even dives into self-care and what that may look, sound and feel like surrounding death and your grieving journey.

I highly recommend reading this book whether you’ve lost a loved one and are experiencing your own grief or just want to learn about other people’s experiences through their loss as it may even help you understand the death and grieving process.

Please do not mistake this book as a guideline to grief. Many times, during this read, I felt Dr. Cacciatore was speaking directly to me. Maybe because again, it is just all too familiar. Just the fact that other people’s stories were shared in this book, reminds me that we are not alone.

I will share with you this recipe for grief, found in chapter 3. This recipe, specifically, struck me in a way I cannot describe. This is just a glimpse of what this book holds.

From the Kitchen of Theresa’s Heart

Serves: One

Ingredients:

1 heaping cup of disbelief

1 tablespoon reluctance to say goodbye

16 ounces excruciating pain

3 cups brutal sadness

2 tablespoons confusion (substitute questioning)

1/2 cup constant obsessing

8 ounces anger (substitute feeling misunderstood)

2 teaspoons agonizing guilt

3/4 cup embarrassment

1-quart loneliness

Dash of untimely and needless

Directions: 

Preheat oven to 1123 degrees. In a small bowl, mix disbelief with reluctance to say goodbye. Next, trim platitudes from excruciating pain and discard. Use mixture to coat pain.

Cook in scalding cast-iron skillet until blackened. Set aside. Fill large pot with tears and bring to a boil. Lower heat; pour brutal sadness into a pot and cover. Allow to simmer for weeks. When sadness is numb, remove from heat and drain tears from pot. Stir confusion and constant obsessing into sadness and set aside. Use mallet to pound anger until tender. Cut into bite sized pieces. Fry in pan over high heat with agonizing guilt and embarrassment. When anger turns red, remove pan from heat. To assemble, spread pain into bottom of baking dish. Layer on the sadness mixture, then cover with anger, guilt, and shame. Top with loneliness. Season with untimely and needless. Place in oven and bake until loneliness turns into intense longing. Let sit for a lifetime.

Notes: Pairs well with absolute fear. Best served smothered in love and compassion (may need assistance). Garnish with a sense of peace.