Let’s Celebrate With Our Deceased

We are missing out in Canada by not celebrating our deceased loved ones like we could. There are several countries, most notably Mexico, that celebrate and honour their deceased loved ones. We can learn a lot from their traditions that would help us to continue to mark the beautiful relationships we have had with those who have died.

Losing a loved one can be the most difficult experience to go through. For some, the grief is unbearable because of the huge void that is left. Often, we quietly mark the anniversary of the death and wish for the days when it will become easier. But how would it feel if every year we purposefully and collectively celebrated the lives of the loved ones we have lost? 

In Mexico, Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) is celebrated annually on November 1 and 2. Families come together to celebrate their deceased loved ones. Often an altar is made in the home with the anticipation of the deceased’s spirit’s return. The family helps to make the spirit feel right at home by leaving favourite foods and keepsakes on the altar. Then the celebrations continue at the cemetery where the family and friends speak to the deceased, updating them on what has happened since they have been gone. They eat together and enjoy their time celebrating the life of their loved one.

Skeletons are a big representation of Day of the Dead. Life-sized and colourfully decorated or small trinket-like skeletons are on display everywhere. Why skeletons? Aren’t they scary? Mexicans embrace the idea that death is part of life and we will all die someday and become a skeleton. But that is not something to be troubled by; during Day of the Dead the skeletons are shown having fun and often doing crazy things like playing guitar, dancing or even cooking.

If we in Canada embraced Day of the Dead, think about the joy it could bring as we celebrate and remember our loved ones. Regularly, someone who has lost a loved one is yearning to talk about their loved one and keep their memory alive. Sometimes they struggle to find the place to do this. Celebrating Day of the Dead would provide that place and give everyone the opportunity to talk about, celebrate, honour and remember their deceased loved ones.

As a death doula, and someone who spends time in Mexico, I will be celebrating Day of the Dead this year. However, I will be doing it in Canada. Annually, we host a sporting event around the same time. For you CFL fans, you might know what I am talking about: Grey Cup. My friends who have lost loved ones look forward to speaking openly with me about their grief and their memories at this event. For them it is a safe place to share. But this year, I will purposely include a Day of the Dead celebration. This year, they will be comforted to know that we will all intentionally celebrate and honour our deceased loved ones. I encourage more Canadians to plan a Dia de los Muertos event. It can be as simple as having friends over and asking them to write the names of deceased loved ones on sticky notes and place them on a memory wall. Then, together, enjoy the experience of spending time sharing stories and memories and supporting each other in their grief.

There is much joy in celebrating and honouring our deceased loved ones. There is even greater joy in celebrating with family and friends. We may not have an official holiday to make this happen, but through small events we can begin to practise a tradition of celebrating Dia de los Muertos in Canada. 

I look forward to connecting if you want to learn more about Dia de los Muertos, talk about how to plan an event or find out more about me as a death doula.