A Better Way: Bringing Peace to the End of Life

I watched the paramedics lift my mother like a dead weight from her recliner chair onto the gurney. I knew she was dying. I wished and I wondered if there might be a better way to handle this.

Photo from Wix.

She was in long term care. She was in a place surrounded by PSWs and nursing staff.  She had made her wishes known that she wanted just to be kept comfortable when her time came. Yet, when she went into medical crisis, society’s medical compulsion to fix whatever was wrong took over, and we whisked her off to the hospital.   

My gut told me she was dying.  It seemed that the doctors would not be happy until they knew why.

The fact that my mother was 91 put her at a disadvantage. “One of the main barriers to dying at home is lack of support in the home.” (https://www.cihi.ca/en/indicators/death-at-home-or-in-community) Despite the presence of nurses and PSWs, a medical crisis in a long-term care home is very little different than a medical crisis in a family home -- without additional support, it is not possible to manage with the resources and support available, so the person is taken to hospital.

Contrast this with my sister, with Stage 4 ovarian cancer, who received in home care from a visiting health care team and passed peacefully in her own bed, surrounded by her family. The fact that my sister had a life-limiting illness triggered community resources and family to gather what was necessary for her to live 18 months from diagnosis to death in the fullest possible way, and to die peacefully, painlessly, in the manner and place she chose.

Three-quarters of Canadians wish to die at home, yet nearly 70% of deaths are in hospital and only 15% of Canadians do die at home. (“How to Recognize When Your Loved One Is Dying”  www.CaregiversNS.org).

If diagnosed with a terminal illness between the ages of 40 and 70, the chance that we will be offered or find resources to continue living at home throughout the progression of our illness is higher than if we are in advanced years. By not providing end of life support for the elderly in the same way as for a younger individual with a clear onset of a terminal illness means that they may die without the support needed to resolve grief or relational issues or experience the same level of end-of-life support from family. 

It seems to me that we ought to be paying more attention to our seniors as they navigate old age. Old age is as terminal as any other reason for dying. 

After seeing the contrast of how my mother and sister died, I decided to pursue training as a death doula with Home Hospice Association. I wanted to investigate how to bring the same peaceful ending that my sister had to people living in long-term care, especially to those who have no family or friends for support.

A death doula provides non-medical support such as advance care planning, creating a legacy, grief support, and putting plans in place to ensure we die surrounded by people and things we love, starting at any time along the journey up to and beyond the point of death. 

No matter who we are, how old or young, what race or culture, or where we live, or even if we have a home to live in, we all need this support. 

On October 7, 2025, Home Hospice Association holds its annual Moonlit Memory Walk, a chance to gather for a reflective stroll in memory and celebration of those we have lost, and to raise funds to support anyone facing death and their loved ones by increasing access to compassionate, inclusive, culturally sensitive, and holistic end-of-life care, wherever they call home. It is in coming together that we strengthen our communities and the way we cope with end of life. You can participate by registering here: https://www.moonlitmemorywalk.org

Funds raised will go directly to support initiatives such as:

• The H.O.P.E. Mobile Hospice - bringing dignity and care to those living and dying on the streets

• The Bello Project - ensuring pets are cared for when their person is facing end of life

• Inclusive end-of-life care for individuals with developmental disabilities, developing models of care in group home settings.

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Julianna Foster is a volunteer and a death doula candidate with Home Hospice Association.