CHECK OUT: Daddy, This Is It

Dear Friends,

I hope you're doing well. I wanted to recommend a book that I believe you'll find incredibly meaningful and helpful, given your experiences and current work. The book is called Daddy, This Is It: Being-with My Dying Dad by Julie Saeger Nierenberg.

This memoir beautifully chronicles Julie's journey alongside her father as he faced metastatic cancer with incredible bravery and grace. What truly stands out in this story is how he chose to live fully despite his prognosis, setting small physical goals and celebrating each achievement, even as treatments became less effective. This narrative deeply resonates with the experiences I've personally had, and I think you'll find solace in the way it captures the nuances of love, loss, and the transformative power of being present during someone's final days.

I loved that this book was structured in a way that takes readers through the realistic aspects of emotional, practical and spiritual end-of-life care. The chapters are thoughtfully laid out. Her story starts 3 years after her father's diagnosis with their family's initial care plans. As the memoir progresses, it delves into the daily realities of living with a terminal illness, highlighting the small victories and profound moments, shared between father and daughter as well as the special moments between grandfather and granddaughter. Each chapter is rich with personal reflections and insights that offer both guidance and comfort to those navigating similar journeys.

She includes a one page chapter titled, ‘How Can You Create Peace of Mind?’, a simple list of reminders with ideal information that might easily flee from one’s mind in moments of grief or crisis, followed by a complete roster in one called, ’Resources: Getting the Support You Need.’ The memoir balances emotional depth with practical advice, making it a valuable resource itself for aspiring end of life workers, caregivers and families facing end-of-life experiences.

Another unique element of this memoir I enjoyed was the vulnerability shown when Julie tells her stories about the profound spiritual experiences she encountered, including a vivid 'soul dance' dream before her father's death and a 'light-body reunion' she felt mere weeks after his passing. These moments of spiritual connection and transcendence add a deeply personal and mystical layer to the memoir, highlighting the enduring bond between father and daughter beyond the physical realm. It was a peace she could only translate as ‘glory’. I feel her reflections on these experiences provide comfort and inspiration, offering a sense of understanding about the journey of life and death.

The author describes the medical care her father received as compassionate and professional, yet constrained by the limitations of the medical system. The healthcare providers did their best to offer comfort and manage his symptoms (as well as one brother of Ms Saeger Nierenberg as he is a medical specialist in pain management), ensuring he had the necessary support throughout his journey. However, she also acknowledges the emotional and practical challenges that come with navigating terminal illness, emphasizing the importance of family involvement and holistic care in truly addressing the needs of a loved one nearing the end of life.  For example, when a bridge needed to be gapped within the interdisciplinary team (between oncologists) and how news of quickly spreading tumours could have been handled differently for her dad. 

This book offers not only a touching personal story but also practical insights and resources that can be valuable in professional support roles. It highlights the importance of preparation, communication, and finding moments of joy and connection, even in the face of adversity. Reading Daddy, This Is It: Being-with My Dying Dad reminded me of the strength and resilience that comes from facing end-of-life challenges with an open heart. It's a beautiful testament to the power of love and the human spirit, and I believe it will resonate deeply with you, both personally and in your work.

I hope you'll give this reflective book a read and find it as impactful as I did. Take care, and thank you for all the incredible work you do for those in need.

Warmest regards,

Melanie Cernanec

HHA Death Doula Candidate